Blog Post 07: The OLD AGE

The OLDAGE is the last phase of life. Basically old age is just a mind-set. If you are a positive minded person, then even at the age of 80, one can make him/herself and the people around them feel young forever. But if one has a negative mind-set then, the person can look old even at the age of 40. However, some other conditions can also be responsible for depression in old age. Research says, mostly in old age the fear of death, financial worries, loneliness, unexpected death of a close friend, a close relative, spouse or someone younger can be the cause of depression.

In earlier days, joint family systems were functional. So the whole family used to stay together in every phase of life till old age. With the changing times, now the nuclear family system especially in the urban culture became functional. As children grew up, for better prospects related to their jobs, business & profession they started getting settled away from home in another city or another country. Parents work hard to provide higher education to their children for their bright future. Later on, for better prospects children opt for moving away and settling in some other city or country due to their occupational requirements. In such situation, parents do not realise that by insisting them to stay together with them, create a hurdle in their progress. Parents need to accept this fact and prepare their mind-set to set them free and let their children decide how to lead their life on their terms for their betterment. But then, it is also the duty of the children, not to make their parents feel lonely by staying away from them. It is necessary to maintain a balance on both fronts.

Today the world has become technologically so much advanced that one can communicate from any corner of the world through phone or computer apps. In old age, parents have a minimum expectation that their distant children should ask and convey each other’s well-being at least once in a day or two. Once for a while take them to stay along with them. But children are so much engrossed in their work and occupation that they forget their duties towards their parents. Old parents keep waiting for their children's phone calls for hours, but they don’t get any. Then they start feeling lonely or ignored. Sometimes even while living together, the situation is not good. Children do not have the time to ask about their well-being. They are treated like an object in the house. When children grow up and become financially independent, they takeover the household responsibilities and the decisions related to it in their own hands. They don’t feel the need of taking any advice or suggestions from their old parents. And in case if given, they consider it as an interference due to which the old parents are then silenced by bitter words. Parents expect that the children should involve them in any discussions regarding to any family matters. It gives them a feeling of wanting and importance which is much required in that age. Old parents also in that case need to show some maturity and set a limit to their interference. They should not insist their children to follow their opinions and suggestions and make it a matter of ego satisfaction. Children should also be given a bit of freedom. As said earlier, it is necessary to maintain balance and harmony from both sides to have a peaceful family life.

In old age, their learning capability decreases slightly. Especially in today’s time, they have difficulty in learning how to operate electronic devices such as laptops or using mobile for banking transactions. Children because of their busy work schedule do not have the time and tolerance to help or teach them. As a result, knowingly and unknowingly they make their parents feel disregardful. At such a time, children should never forget that in their childhood, if parents had rebuked them while teaching how to walk holding their fingers, then today they would have never been able to become capable and independent in life. Just as parents raise children with restraint, now it becomes the responsibility of the children to help their parents with the same restraint. That is why old age is always termed as another childhood. This shows how life completes its circle.

In many cases it has been observed that these days, young parents do not find much time to spend with their children due to their job commitments and careers. So to manage, they prefer to place them in crèche or leave them at home appointing a baby sitter to take care of them. Somehow it affects the mind-set of the children and gradually decreases their sense of attachment towards the family. The same children grow up and then put their old parents in old age home. Human nature always thinks in one direction and make up their mind. One never realises that the loneliness, the children feel in their childhood by staying away from their parents in crèche or with the baby sitter and miss their parent's company whenever needed, now rebounds in their old age, as now they have to stay away from their children in old age homes. So it is important that as much as possible, parents need to make an effort to spend time with their children by taking time away from their work, so that the children do not feel lonely. Then children will also take care of their old parents when they grow up and they will not experience any loneliness. As the law of nature says "You get what you sow.“

Some more symptoms of depression in old age:

• A feeling of apathy or disappointment.
• Body aches and pains.
• To be careless about self-care.
• Think of yourself as weak, burdened, unworthy and self-destructive.
• Lack of motivation.
• Weight loss or loss of appetite.
• Memory loss.
• Feeling of helplessness and loneliness.
• Lack of sleep or excessive sleep.
• Want to sleep during the day.
• Feeling powerless.
• Excess consumption of alcohol. 

By the way, nobody stays with anyone for entire life. So it is not right to depend on anyone to that extent. Living alone (loner) and feeling lonely are both different things. One can be alone, self-dependent and live as per his/her free will and enjoy life. But if one feels lonely, then things can get a bit complicated. Actually one can enjoy his/her old age comfortably. They can do all the left over things in their life or things, they were not able to do in their youth due to family responsibilities. Sometimes they prioritise their family responsibilities at that time and purposely plan to fulfil their wishes after retirement saving sufficient money for the same. But when old age comes, in spite of being healthy & self sufficient, instead of doing the leftover things which they had planned to do throughout their life, he/she spend their energy trying to get their expectations fulfilled from the family. This is Human Nature. At any age, one does not appreciate what he/she has and always try to run after what they do'nt have.

One cannot carry anything with him/her after demise. So it is important to enjoy what one has at every age & being content with it. When one is physically healthy in young age, he/she should enjoy life from time to time without thinking too much about old age. One should appreciate whatever is left in his/her old age, should expect least from family members and become as much self-dependent as one can be in the last phase of his/her life in positive spirit. With this mind-set, physical and mental health can be maintained till the last moment of life. One must live his/her life in such a manner that after they pass away, their life becomes memorable & inspirational for their family and friends.

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Up till now, the attempt was to provide information and create awareness about depression arising at different ages (from childhood to old age), according to the situations. Forthcoming blogs would be an attempt to give information and create awareness about different Mental conditions, Phobias & Psychological Disorders. So keep reading & till then stay safe and healthy, MENTALLY & PHYSICALLY.

- (KD Blogs)

✍ © Kunal Deshpande.