Now-a-days students, mainly teenagers between the age group of 13 to 19 are mostly facing this problem. But somewhere or the other, again it starts in childhood. Some parents believe that their children should not get deprived of the luxuries which they themselves were deprived off due to their parent’s non affordable circumstances or financial conditions. To some extent having such feelings towards their children is appreciable, but it is very important to set a limit for that too.
Humans have a natural tendency of not valuing the things they get easily. Then how can children be different. Due to easy availability, children don’t even realise the struggle required to earn things in life. They get what they ask for. Due to this mindset, they are not used to adjust or accept any kind of “NO” or “Giving up” on anything in their life. Any kind of refusals affect their ego or self esteem.
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| Stress due to Expectations |
Some children are basically smart & all rounder. They get a lot of praising everywhere they go. But this does not mean that they will stand first in every event of life. In such cases, if in any event, they secure a second place or lose it, then it is important to have the mindset to accept that defeat sportingly. But the children take these defeats personally. At that time, it is important for the parents to make them understand that sometimes it is also okay to loose something in life. But they continue to make them feel exactly the opposite by accusing them for ruining their name, their reputation and their status in the society. Above all, also making them realise how they are accountable and unfit for all the luxurious pleasures, the parents have been giving them till date. The parents are unaware that they themselves develop a guilt feeling in the children for not meeting their parent's expectations. This story appears in every household especially during the SSC-HSC results. Due to which, every year during this particular period, there is a considerable rise in suicide cases among most teenagers. Guilt feeling of not meeting expectations can either make their nature aggressive or they may give up by losing their self-confidence for lifetime. In both cases, they may become victims of depression.
Teenage is a very delicate turning point of life. There are desires and curiousities to know many new things. The mind is bent on rebelling. At such an age, it is important for parents to realise that it is important for them to get out of their parents' zone and treat them like a friend. But parents are busy in their own world. Except giving their own time, they have all the system and arrangement to provide all the monetary and materialistic comforts of the world. Children don’t have anyone at home, whom they feel can understands, support and talk to them. That is why children then opt for finding their support outside. In such situations if they find a good circle it is fine but if they don’t, then chances of finding comfort in addictions are more. The addictions become a means to relieve their stress & their loneliness.
At the same age, due to hormonal changes children develop curiosity about opposite genders. They often misunderstand the feelings of attraction and attachment as love. In the same confused mood, if a person of interest rejects their proposal, they feel the end of their world and immaturely either opt ending their life or under the influence of social media, can take a fatal step.
At this age, youth are also victims of bullying. It can be through Verbal bullying, Cyber Bullying or Body Shaming. These bullying are mostly done on the basis of body colour, caste, sexual orientation, physical satire, size or intelligence.
Nowadays the internet world has spread so much that we can experience the whole world at just one click sitting at home. The youth is techno savvy. In earlier times, grandparents as a ritual used to teach hymns to their grand children. These days the kids are seen, teaching their grandparents to operate all the app like WhatsApp, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube etc. This scenario is undoubtedly praiseworthy. But the problem is that the younger generation has started misunderstanding the virtual world as the real world. Children have started finding their families in the web world because of lack communication at home. This is why they are falling victim to cyber crime like Phishing, Stalking, Bullying, Video or Computer Gaming, Pornography. Initially it starts with a thrill, but when the same thrill rebounds, the stress gives rise to depression. The famous Blue Whale Challenge video game developed in Russia in 2013 killed 100 young people. Research revealed that all the younger generations playing this game were going through some mental stress and loneliness.
When children are small, when they are unable to speak properly, at that age, they have just a small childlike desire to spend time with their parents. This desire also stays till a specific age. At this age, they feel that parents are there to support them in any crisis. They have a kind of faith that the parents will stand firmly behind them and this belief thrives in their minds. But unfortunately parents who are busy building their respective careers, recruit them in the creche. As a result, communication gap develops in every house. Later the same children further in their adolescence, either develop an aggressive or a calm behaviour. They develop a type of decision making capability. These decision-making abilities can be good but also have possibility of getting developed in the wrong way. They begin to think of themselves as independent and self-sufficient. For the mentally competent children, this freedom and self-reliance can be very beneficial. But mentally non-competent children may endup with improper decision making. They may need a support or backing of somebody for decision making.
Parents do not understand such behaviour of children. They try to establish a communication with them. But now in teenage, children do not feel that comfort level with their parents. Because till that point of time, no such type of dialogue has ever happened between them. Since childhood, due to unavailability of parents, they develop the habit of taking right and wrong decisions as per their thinking. That is why, without discussing anything, without considering the consequences, they take right or wrong decisions according to what they feel is right at that time.They begin to think of themselves as self-sufficient.
The term SELFIE is very prevalent among teenagers. One thing that started as a fun, due to the dual camera feature in smart phones, today is evidence of fatal threat to life. Taking a selfie, is now proved to be a symptom of mental illness born out of ignorance from the outside world rather being a style statement. A feeling of the world or people around us, ignoring our subjectivity, personality or existence. So it is proved to be a foolish attempt to keep an impressive and validating image of our subjectivity, personality or existence in front of them. Mind gets restless & nervous while checking the comments and the likes on the selfie which are posted on social media. If the likes are not found on that posted selfie, or if someone posts a comment contrary to the expectations, then the nervousness and restlessness increases and this nervousness can further change into depressive behaviour.
U.K. based 19-year-old Danny Bowman attempted suicide after failing to find the perfect selfie. Danny had an obsession of clicking selfies. He used to spend about 10 hours a day clicking about 200 selfies. Due to this, his health started deteriorating. Also due to his irregular attendance he was also expelled from school.
(Click this link for detailed information):
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/selfie-obsession-made-teenager-danny-bowman-suicidal-9212421.html)
To conclude, it is necessary that in adolescence, parents need to step out "parents" zone and become "friends" with their children so that they can realise and understand the physical and mental changes their children are experiencing and can also make them understand it. Then the children too will not try to find out the answers to the questions arising in their mind, out of the house, in a wrong way.
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Keep reading to know about the depression originating in young age in the next blog "The YOUNG AGE". Till then stay safe and healthy, MENTALLY & PHYSICALLY 😊.
- (KD Blogs)
✍© Kunal Deshpande.
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